I love my bestfriends 🙂 especially my friend Jen who is my longest relationship ever! 😀
1. They are unafraid to tell you what no one else dares to or will take the time to because they care about you — even when they know these are things you don’t necessarily want to hear. Especially when they know these are things you don’t necessarily want to hear.
2. Despite how busy you two have become — your lives devolving into an endless blur of stressful deadlines and overdue assignments — you always take the time and effort to see each other.
3. Regardless of how much time has passed since the last time you’ve hung out, once you start to catch up, it feels as though no time has passed at all.
4. Even though the two of you have beat them to death by this point, the same inside jokes and references will never cease to make you giggle like…
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That’s what I am most of the time. Just plain, simple boring. I’m not the life of the party or the person who stands out the most. I’m in the background, like to be on the down low (lol I probably just used that wrong), I like quiet, I like just sitting on the couch watching TV or watching My Hero play video games. I love having a sanctuary.
Today was another boring day yet filled with excitement. Wedding plans are underway and I’m feeling much more secure and not as nervous. As My Hero and I talked about it, it’s like waves of nervousness and anxiousness. Both of us are so excited to be going on this new journey in life and yet it’s scary. It’s unknown (for me that’s terrifying)
Anyways we just spent the day together putting our apartment together, seeing what we need, designing furniture, etc. All in all an awesome day.
So why am I still up? Well one, I hadn’t written anything today and I really needed to because I’m trying to stay on track for NaBloPoMo and two cause I am signing up for next semester’s classes at midnight. Yes you read that right. I’m signing up for classes at midnight so I can get the professor I want for internship. There’s only 8 spots and I intend to have one of them. I will NOT spend next semester in a class that I do not learn anything. And so here I wait for the next 17 minutes. Go by faster time!!
So today’s post is not going to be the normal. It’s not necessarily about me but it is. If that makes any sense. (honestly though I don’t know why so many of you read my blog but thanks!!)
I’ve recently discovered the site- theworkofthepeople.com- and let me tell you it is transformational. Seriously. I have especially found videos done by Richard Rohr to be enlightening and perfect.
Here’s one of his videos http://www.theworkofthepeople.com/meaningful-truth
I have decided that part of my journey is to find again the fundamentals of my faith. To start I am going to memorize the Nicene Creed. (I like tradition and while not all traditions are ok- I believe that some are helpful for worship) For those of you who don’t know the Nicene Creed here it is:
I believe in one God, the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, and of all things visible and invisible.
And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only-begotten Son of God, begotten of the Father before all worlds; God of God, Light of Light, very God of very God; begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father, by whom all things were made.
Who, for us men for our salvation, came down from heaven, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the virgin Mary, and was made man; and was crucified also for us under Pontius Pilate; He suffered and was buried; and the third day He rose again, according to the Scriptures; and ascended into heaven, and sits on the right hand of the Father; and He shall come again, with glory, to judge the quick and the dead; whose kingdom shall have no end.
And I believe in the Holy Ghost, the Lord and Giver of Life; who proceeds from the Father [and the Son]; who with the Father and the Son together is worshipped and glorified; who spoke by the prophets.
And I believe one holy catholic and apostolic Church. I acknowledge one baptism for the remission of sins; and I look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come. Amen.
While I’m not Catholic, I don’t find in these words anything judgmental or moralistic. There’s not if you do this your bad, or your views have to be this, or anything like that. It is simply the fundamental belief of Christianity. You may not agree with what I’m saying and that’s ok. Challenge away, doubt, wrestle with your beliefs and what is triggering to you in this because guess what- God is OK with it. I cannot wait to begin to rediscover my faith. Starting with the fundamentals.
I haven’t been me. It’s taking me over almost 25 years to find me and even then I’m still searching.
Today I went to therapy.
And it’s freeing cause 1 I didn’t go to traditional talk therapy cause I’ve been there done that. I’m talked out about my issues and my problems. Today was freeing and I’ll be going back next week and every week for a little bit. Now the therapy I’m trying may seem hokey but it’s definitely good for those of you who are able to be insightful and know yourselves a little. Cause I know my triggers, I know my anger, I know my fears, I know what makes me happy and what makes me sad. I know what I need to work on but at the same time I need some guidance and honestly I decided to try something new.
There’s this thing called Evox. It goes through a process called perception reframing.
And its interesting and different and honestly I like the way it made me feel.
Not only did the process feel different and kinda cool but being able to say how I felt about my relationships and figuring out the TransGenerational patterns is fascinating and helpful to me. Also being able to talk with an LCSW about it all made it that much better.
Cause perception is everything. Life is what you make of it. And in my relationships I tend to assume what people mean instead of actually seeing them for who they are and their heart. Yes boundaries are good- but so is accepting someone for who they really are- mess and all. So the realization that hit me is that my issues with my family (mom,dad, grandparents) aren’t so much the day to day arguments or mess but it’s my perception of myself and of what they mean. I react to the situation. And not in a good way.
So here I go on a journey of self discovery and healing (somewhat) and of learning to love people even with all the mess. And for the first time in, well, ever I feel like me.
I survived another day! I found a wedding venue, established a profile on wedding.com which will be helpful in planning, so up next is wedding binder and budget!
Phew weight off my chest 🙂 I’m still anxious and nervous yet ready to be married. As odd as that sounds.
Sorry my post today and yesterday aren’t all that inspired but this is life.
I realized today that I need to deal with my issues with my mom. I really don’t want to. Because I know that shes done the best for me and I know her heart is good but I have issues. So going to explore it myself and then go to therapy. Cause I need it. I need to work it out myself before I can approach her with it. Suffice to say (for this post) that she was overprotective, a bit controlling (shes gotten tons better) and believes that she is always right when it comes to our relationship and how she acts. So yea I need to figure this out.