My Hero- Pt 2

Well here’s part 2 of a series on my relationship with the man i’m engaged to. I ended the last post with our first meeting 🙂

So on that same night- everyone decided that we all wanted smores (of course) so My Hero and I decided that hey we will go get them (and his friend/acquaintance decided to come with us). So off we drive to WalMart.

For those of you who don’t know me (everyone lol) I am a shy person in real life. I’m not the life of the party, I’m not a good flirt at all, I’m awkward and weird and nerdy and insecure and serious. I don’t get jokes that often, I’m very literal, etc.

Anyways, that night I was as myself as I could be at the time, except a little more outgoing because for some reason I felt comfortable and totally attracted to this guy. It was something I hadn’t felt and I was enjoying the feeling. I was crazy in WalMart trying to smell out where the marshmellows were because we could not find anything!

We finally got everything and got back to the party and were just hanging out and for the first time in a year, I felt ok. I felt normal. I felt accepted.

When it came time to say goodbye, My Hero did not ask for my number- one of his friends did! They had a whiteboard in their kitchen and so trying to be cutesy I wrote my number upside down on the whiteboard. My Hero walked me to my car and the last thing he said was “Night love” (or something to that effect-all I really remember is him calling me love and me being surprised and a bit weirded out by it).

Sure enough the next day as I’m training with my personal trainer Hector, I get a text from My Hero asking if I had left my jacket at his house. I smiled and giggled and answered him that no I hadn’t and we started talking. He graduated from FullSail and went back up north for a few months. We talked nonstop for those two months. Texting led to phone calls that led to skype and we soon knew details about each other and it was amazing.

During this time he told me that he loved me as a friend. I hadn’t heard the L word in any context from a guy since my ex (my sons birthfather). I freaked out. I talked to our mutual friend and explained that I couldn’t hear the L word in any context because I was still so hurt. Our friend told me to talk to him and I did. And he didn’t run away, he didn’t call me crazy. He simply understood and cared about me through it. He never said the L word till it was a different context. You see, I had already fallen for him.

Here’s the essence of our story (from my perspective)

I was a broken mirror- my heart and soul shattered into little tiny pieces. And as I’m trying to put myself together again, along comes a kind, compassionate, selfless, loving man who has helped me, slowly, put the pieces back together. He’s gotten cut and has bled but he has stuck by me and has loved me as I never imagined I would ever be loved.

Why has he stuck around this long?

He loves me.

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My Hero-Pt 1

For those of you who don’t know I am engaged to a wonderful man who I will refer to as My Hero. We have been together now for almost 5 years and I am absolutely amazed that he has stuck around this long.

When we first met, I had placed my son for adoption only 3 months prior. We met because a mutual friend wanted to set us up. I wasn’t a fan, mainly I was worried he would look like our friend and our friend was not my type at all. I was in a rough spot where I was depressed, low self worth, filled with shame, mistrust, etc. But I decided it wouldn’t be bad to meet some new people and get out of the house.

My Hero was throwing a huge housewarming party with his three other roommates (who happen to be awesome guys to this day!). I was nervous and shy and I was awkward (which is the norm for me). I took a seat outside on a couch (after being introduced to everyone including my hero). I was surrounded by other people who began to have a political discussion. I weighed in with my opinion and I began to discuss. After a few minutes, My Hero sits next to me on the couch and says hi! I look at him, I say hi and then proceed to tell him that I just recently placed my son for adoption. In my head I’m yelling at myself that that’s the stupidest thing to say and ugh! he will run far far away. Instead he answers, “ok” and we continue on a conversation that I don’t remember.

My immediate impression was wow, he’s still talking to me even with the source of my issues out there in the open. And that was the start of our relationship.

There’s a lot more to our relationship and I think I’m going to explore that for the next few posts as we begin a new phase of our relationship.

Opening the Box- Pt 1

Also real quick: I’m participating in BlogHer’s NaBloPoMo this month! Yay!

So in line with my life changes, I am doing a journaling class about adoption. And this week we are supposed to go through our “boxes” and bring stuff to the surface. Yay emotions.

So I want to share the first letter I found (I put all letters in one place a while ago) Most are from my mother however I have one from a family friend who has known me since before I was born. So here it is..5 years later- and I’ll do another post on my reaction because while I appreciate the end goal and what this woman was telling me- I can’t help but be taken aback at some of the wording..

Dearest Sabo(pronounced Say-boo),

Knowing that this time is the most difficult time you’ve had to face in your young life, I know that you sit squarely in our God’s hands. You were given an opportunity that the vast majority of people, even those who call themselves Christian, simply refuse to consider. You unashamedly made the decision to walk in Agape.

Agape is incapable of self consideration; the only goal of Agape is to do whatever is best for the one “this love” is directed towards. While we all have said that we love someone, what we’re really saying is that we “enjoy the feelings/emotions” in us for this person. When our feelings change towards this person, we then claim that I don’t love them anymore, when the truth is- we never did ‘love’ them.

Agape is Spirit, what Agape is NOT are our feelings/emotions.

Parenthood is an excellent example of Agape, and you’ve had the best models in your parents. They have always done what they thought was best for you. They refused to let your or anyone else’s reactions interfere or distract them from their goal of adequately preparing you for life’s journey in this world. Your parents understood that you were not theirs to do as they pleased but that you are a gift from God.

From what I see today, it’s very evident that they’ve done a fantastic job, for you also have chosen to do what is best for your Gift from God.

I hope you understand how courageous your decision was. I’ve spoken with dozens of people the last few weeks and most have a difficult time with your side of adoption. They realize what an incredible, miraculous gift an infant is to a childless couple, so being on the ‘receiving’ end of the gift is easy. What people struggle with is the ‘giving’ end of the equation. But how can we forget that in order for one to be blessed, another one volunteered to make a supreme sacrifice.

While it takes courage to acknowledge a mistake, it takes incredible courage to admit that someone else should shoulder the burden.

After 911 we’ve seen all kinds of sayings about heros, who they are and what they do. Today I declare a new definition: A young lady is honest enough to admit to the truth about herself and then dares to walk in that truth- you go girl!!

Whoa- life twist

So I know I need to write- there’s been so much that’s been going on in my life- so much has changed in such a little time.

I’m engaged

I’m in a new job that I NEVER in a million years would have thought i would have had

I’m open to a new way of thinking and viewing people

I’m interested in a new area of my professional career

There’s way to much going on right now for me to be able to put it all into words at this moment- but believe me I need to and I will. I’m going to try to write a post everyday this month. I am dedicating myself to doing this.

❤ and peace to you!