I Knew

Had a conversation recently on twitter with another birthmother and an adult adoptee from an open adoption. It was more or less a conversation on relationships and was based off the same birthmother’s blog post about her struggles, etc. This brought up for me emotions and thoughts about my own relationship with my son.

I just want to make something very clear to everyone. When it comes to my sons adoption, NO ONE will tell me or my son how he feels about it. You do not know my son, and even if you did you cannot tell me how he will react emotionally to anything. Please keep those types of opinions to yourself because they are not welcome. I can’t tell you how my son feels so YOU most certainly cannot. This includes positive and negative emotions and thoughts.

With that being said, for those of you who don’t know my story (and that’s most of you) don’t judge me. You didn’t live what I lived. You weren’t in the same situation and you don’t know.

With all that being said (sorry I had to for myself) I am going to be saying a few things that many of you won’t like.

I don’t regret the decision that I made to place my son for adoption.

I was not coerced or lied to in making my decision.

I knew going in that the adoption could be closed at any time.

I knew I would go through depression and grief.

I knew going in that my son could very well hate me in the future however the risk of keeping him with me outweighed that.

Let that last one sink in for a bit. Maybe it’ll give you a clue about what was going on. The harm that he would go through with me outweighed the harm of being placed for adoption.

My son has every right to ask me anything. I have the responsibility to answer for my actions to him.  I don’t have to answer to any of the rest of you. My son is the only one who matters on this earth when it comes to his adoption. And I have accepted the fact that whatever the outcome, whatever he feels or thinks is ok. No matter what he does or says I will be there for him, I will love him to the best of my ability.

I knew.

And I have to accept the consequences, whatever they may be.

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4 thoughts on “I Knew

  1. Thank you for sharing your view, I appreciate your point of view and from there I learn more about another’s experience different from my own. This helps shape my point of view as a mom through adoption and how I raise my daughters and how they will someday understand their own birth mother’s point of view. One that I cannot speak for in my own words but one they will hear directly from them when they ask.

  2. The Adopted Child

    Somebody’s adopted child today
    Will linger all alone
    Hoping her birth mother will call
    Before the day has flown.
    Somebody’s adopted child will weep,
    Heartbroken and stunned tonight,
    Because her first mother gone
    Forgot to call or write.
    Somebody’s adopted child somewhere
    Will kiss with lips of grief,
    Portraits of a birth mother unknown
    And cry herself to sleep.

    Judith Land

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