I’m Reminded

This summer has been the absolute best summer of my life.

Hands down.

The Best.

You may be wondering why has this summer been the best summer? (also why are you up past midnight when you have so much stuff to do…or you may not but oh well)

First question: This has been the best summer because I have spent several weekends and a few days with my son and my family (yes his adoptive family is my family too). He knows who I am, my name and we have a connection that cannot be explained other than the fact that he is my son. My relationship with K&G (his parents) has grown and I can be honest in saying that they are like siblings to me and role models. I love them dearly and I know that they care very much for me. I am honest with them and I know that they are honest with me. It’s refreshing to talk with them and just be a family.

While I’m completely honest in saying that this has been the best summer ever, I can also honestly say that the hardest part for me has been saying goodbye. The hardest thing ever was when I flew up and then had to fly home. I had to hold back the tears because I didn’t want to leave them. At all. Then when I just recently saw them my son asked me if I was coming back with them to where they live and I had to say no. I wish I could’ve said yes.

Most people reading the above paragraph would assume that I am now going to say that I regret my decision and I wish I hadn’t made the choice I had.

But I won’t.

Because I don’t regret my decision.

This has been the best summer ever. Even with the hard parts. Cause here’s the thing. My son is safe. He is loved by more than one set of family (four in fact: two sets of birthfamilies and two sets of adoptive families; I count each side of the two sets of parents; if you’re confused…sorry). He will always have the truth. He is not abandoned. He has his origins. He is connected.

Will he have issues?

Maybe. But who doesn’t?

He will have answers and he will have help sorting through his identity and any issues that come up.

I’m reminded that love is difficult and complex and that I have gained so much from my son and his adoptive family. So much that I don’t call them the adoptive family; they are my family. More so than anyone can realize. I’m reminded of pain and how much it can suck but how much joy and happiness I can feel because I have quit numbing myself. I’m reminded how hurt so many people are by adoption and how many people are blessed. I’m reminded of how screwed up humanity is and yet how beautiful God can make us.